The satirical Comedy is written in the argot of the common man which is refreshingly Frank .. a spade is a spade .. not a calorie powered digging machine. The sly humor and general attitude of the British toiling classes towards their self appointed betters is a gift bequeathed by their ancestors and which has been their support through many troubled centuries of Trial by robber Baron, press gang , Transportation, fire and blitz and now State Sponsored Terror � the flag still streams and snaps in the wind � For ours is to do or die. God help us all.

This is a brief introduction to the Cast of Characters currently involved in the Lord Bad Egg saga .. what is that about? you may ask .. this saga is about ordinary everyday life for the likes of you and me .. and why things are like they are .. and why we have less and less control over our lives or the pressures that we are yoked with � unless of course .. you just shut up and do as you are told.

There are millions of us who shut up and do as we are told. .. Someone once said to me .. �You cant eat your principles� .. To which I can only reply .. Sigh! .. So true .. So bloody true!

Bad Egg puts it out that he can directly trace his line back to William of Normandy who was the victor over Harald at the Battle of Hastings (England) in 1066 AD.

What surprises me is that he can trace anything direct .. because he is so crooked. But then if one has enough money one can buy into anything, even blood lines or elevation to the British House of Lords. Bad Egg is also the Chief Justice of the Realm. As you may understand he is extremely well connected, and not just to the backsides of little boys.

There was also a scandal involving young girls in Thailand but it never made the press. Strictly Hush! Hush! In fact Bad Egg had the incident embargoed via the Official Secrets Act.

Those Brave souls of the press corps that preferred to eat their principles by breaking the embargo were incarcerated in the Tower of London and suffered having their eyes pecked out by the resident Ravens. As if that were not enough they were forced to stand naked each day with their knickers on their heads whilst being tormented by snarling, froth spraying Bulldogs, making near misses on their tender parts. The threat of amputation of said parts was very real .. for the Bulldogs were barely restrained by doddering senile old Beefeaters who really should have known better.

Bad Egg also has a nasty drug habit. The difference between his drug habit and that of those that he regularly sends to the slammer for 25 years, is that Bad Eggs Heroin, Cocaine, Valium and Amphetamines are all prescribed by the world famous Dr Ive Hada Lobotomy PhD. MSc ROCMB; who is also Proctologist by Appointment to Royalty.

Dr Lobotomy is Emeritus Professor in Human Psychology . Those who are serving 25 years in the slammer have plenty of time to ponder upon the fact that a Doctors prescription is legal tender, and that the Medical Profession also happen to hold the legal monopoly in such substances. The legality or other wise of that monopoly .. the Lord giveth and the Lord taketh away .. was entirely dependent on Lord Bad Eggs disposition. It is rumored that Bad Egg gets his for free.

Bad Egg also controls all of the mainstream media. TV .. Radio .. Newspapers and Hollywood. He holds shares in all of them. Not controlling shares you understand, even Bad Egg does not have that much money. What he does have is hired underlings from Government Departments, the police and security services whose sole task is to get something on recalcitrant individuals who refused to bend the knee. Then follows the shame and blame and the false evidence and finally the incarceration.

Bad Egg only found it necessary to make three or four examples of collective punishment .. and a few journalists shot in Iraq .. before the assembled and decimated media got the message.

Bad Egg controls everything that way. By coercion or lies. TV, Video Games and DVD,s with subliminal messages. The glaring and repetitive headlines of which most are paid and planted, and all garnished with the underlying frisson of fear, he quite understands that Western Civilisation is in an advanced stage of corruption and he exploits that by helping the canker that is growing in the group soul

When it comes to whole societies as opposed to Individuals he uses the euphemism .. Regime Change .. He does this via his military wing .. General Lord Montsnoggery of Benghazi Red Light District, ROCMB .. And U.S. General Nuke Rubyridge Jr. holder of the Waco Star with Diamonds. .. The major role of Rubyridge is that of Commander of the of the vi-vi-vi Armored Nuclear Homeland Division. Their insignia is a white skull with flaming wings on a black ground. The Division is based somewhere in Lincolnshire, England.

The Divisional Mission standing orders state .. We are to terrorize and Gulagise the population in times of unrest. There will be no rest �

Nukes Adjutant is Abu Ben Jerkoff. Who in reality is Commander of the Middle East Zionist Militia. A somewhat shadowy character whose name has been linked via marriage to the Irgun and the Stern Gang. According to an unnamed official source It is reported that Commissar .. errr! .. ulp! .. sorry .. Brigadier General Jerkoff has a sleeping problem, and that he continually dreams that he is dragging Iraqi�s, Afghani�s and Iranians off his mothers back. Nightly he wakes in terror. And then cant get back to sleep.

Dr Lobotomy, in a much longer and very evasive statement said, that he would not go so far as to say �homicidal mania�, .. but rather .. that Jerkoff possibly suffers a malignant tumour of the brain. but then he had to say that because he is a major shareholder in Pharmageddon Pharmaceuticals and Jerkoff is a major consumer of anti-depressants. Also due to Lobotomy�s constant visits to Pharmageddon Castle, Lord Bad Egg know the precise location of his scrotum. Lobotomy did not want to be a eunuch as well as conscience dead.

Jerkoff cornered the market 3 times on the run and then made billions selling them back to the British and American markets for anti-depressants. Jerkoffs main claim to fame if one overlooks the rivers of blood .. is that he coined those immortal words � Collateral Damage� it sounds better than saying slaughtering innocents. The Americans pay him US$3 billion a year in royalties for use of the term. Add to that 1 billion English Pounds and the total is not to be sneezed at .. in case it blows away.

However those individuals are only bit players in this saga.. Next in line to Bad Eggs starring role is the immortal Fotheringay who is Bad Eggs Valet .. the Gentleman�s Gentleman Supreme. As you may well understand he is keeper of all of his masters secrets and rules the family estates and staff thereof with the haughty imperialism that emanates from power. His nickname is �Fotheringay the Enabler�.

He could best be described as a sleek, suave reptile who looks like something different .. wearing a maroon, winged tailed jacket tailored Georgian style with real gold buttons and trim. Plain black stovepipe trousers .. a ruffed black shirt front with black starched cuffs. To top off this display of sartorial splendor he always wore his old Boys Brigade chip hat at a jaunty angle on his slicked black hair. The whole effect so bizarre that one forgets to look at his eyes. Oh I nearly forgot .. a silver salver engraved with the Bad Egg family crest., tucked beneath his arm .. this had become a fixture due to the constant flow of messages and various pills, powders, bottles of Brandy and Boxes of Havana Corona Cigars that were required by Bad Egg in a constant flow throughout the day and most of the night.

He is also Bad Eggs chauffer and handles the armored Rolls Bentley like a top flight rally driver. The combination of Fotheringay and the heavily armed and Armored Bentley would be a match for a light fighting tank. In his other role as personal bodyguard to Bad Egg he had mastered the art of killing the other staff by a single look .. however for non staff a swift kick or chop Karate style, usually sufficed. If that did not do the trick .. then he was an expert in salver skimming. Let me tell you that 7lb of sharp edged silver traveling at speed usually ended in a beheading. He kept the sharp edges very clean, in case he fell foul of the Public Health Act. Occasionally he resorted to a small derringer pistol concealed up his sleeve .. one that had been specifically modified to fire a high velocity poison tipped dart that could stop a rhino at 50 yards.

And so that you will understand clearly � all the high placed visitors to Pharmageddon Castle .. have to submit to having their balls groped before being admitted to Bad Eggs presence. Fotheringay likes squeezing balls. It is rumored that some of those visitors only go to visit Lord Bad Egg in order to have their balls squeezed. Such is human hunger for the touch of another.

It could be said of the top dogs .. that Bad Egg knew the precise location of every visitors scrotum. The visitors knew that, and were always careful to maintain a suitably servile presence. Unless of course they were visiting for very different purposes .. In which case .. Bad Eggs bellowing was replaced by screams and whimpers. So the stage is set and the Arch Villains are not yet exposed. Will they be bought to justice?

I tint my cynicism with hope for the future and the Brotherhood of Mankind.

There are as many episodes as there are people, that is why I say it is a comedy of infinite parts however I will attempt at each episode to introduce a New character. I will add further episodes as they occur and in no particular order.

Ivor Hughes.

Series Dedicated to Luke.

Auckland New Zealand

14^th April 2006.