The snow was falling fast, and the sound of the undulating scurry of rats and mice across the splintered wooden floor of the Gym ..  was all but drowned out by the awful shrieks issuing from the study of the Dean.

The Dean used his sleeve to wipe the blood from his favourite horse whip .. and Barked .. Bad Egg! .. wipe that crap from the carpet and get your trousers from around your ankles. Then go see Frau Nurse for the salt water treatment, and the next time you are caught smoking Cannabis behind the toilets you will receive a 3 term long daily high enema from Frau Nurse Ida Perversion .. From said experience, you will understand quite clearly the meaning of the term �sloppy guts�.

When the last of the sniveling little brats had been caned into submission, the Dean sat down to pen his new term address. This to be sent forth by Post to all those gullible people called parents who supported his perverted and decadent lifestyle.

$$$

The Office of the Dean.
Gormenghast College.
Mighty Wallop under Chunderbox,
Surrey, England.

Dear $$$ Parents, 

I enclose a copy of my �New Term Assembly Hall Address� to be delivered to your little Darlings. This just to remind them who is boss around here. I thank you one and all for your beneficent crinkly donations to my ever needy and compassionate palm. Talking of palms, the price of an extra thrashing at bedtime has increased from One guinea to Two guineas, the price of lead weighted horse whips is going up faster than the death toll in Iraq.

I must also inform you of a change in the Gormenghast standing orders. Please amend your handbooks accordingly.

The following amendment was approved by our legal advisors Messrs Rookem Grabbit and Runne. Star Chambers, Lincoln Inn Fields, London W.C.2. They have assured us, that when searching for Weapons of Mass Destruction .. that a rectal examination is quite legal .. with the proviso that we do the mouth first.

Apprehending Suspects:
All boys are subject to spot blood tests and may also expect to be groped by the Dean and Staff in the search for hidden weapons of mass destruction and other illicit substances. [ End ].

I shall look forward to meeting you all at the commencement of term. We shall drink a jolly bumper or two to the year passing, Crispy Cheese nibikins provided. I shall raise my glass high, and wave my Corona Havana and personally thank you one and all, for the piles of ill gotten lucre that helps to keep this establishment of corruption solvent.

$$$

The Assembly Address

(Page 6. Paragraph 6 sub clause 666 applies)

I know that you are all overjoyed to be back at your Alma Mater. It has come to my attention, and in particular my nose whilst patrolling the boys toilet area. It appears that we have an appalling state of affairs and it is my intention to take a few boys in hand. wipe that smirk off your face and stop sniggering, you know what I mean!

this graffiti thing is getting out of hand, you sniveling bunch of rich kids may be better informed than most, but that does not give you license to spray the truth about Iraq all over the toilet walls, which apart from the runnels of other unmentionables, will necessitate a thorough and expensive whitewash in the New Year.

Offenders will be severely dealt with by an extra visit to the Sickbay. Talking of Sick bay. Frau Nurse Ida Perversion has announced that due to a break down in communications with the office of Pharmageddon she will no longer be offering dripping needles and the tablets 'Deform� .. I heard there was some problems with corrupt clinical trials. I knew there was a problem! .. The Deformities caused a 10 point drop in Pharmageddon Pharmaceutical Shares that was a major side effect. If any of you dunderheads make it to my lofty position you would soon realize how difficult it is to brainwash a three headed asthmatic dunderhead.

However you may all breath a little easier .. we have reached an arrangement with (MI6) British Office of Homeland Security and the Metropolitan Police All future aberrations will be treated with the Lead Pill (0.44) it is delivered piping hot and with a bang .. straight between the eyes. According to the scientific evidence abstracted from the latest CIA/Mossad clinical trials, it is 100% effective, it works every time. I am sure you will all breathe, eat and sleep easier knowing that we have it all under control. You have nothing to fear except fear itself.

The Dean, MOHPC PhD ROCMB.
Master of Hounds - Pharmageddon Castle.

Here affixed;

The Great Seal of Gormenghast.

Soon the horrors of another year will be on us. So let us jointly resolve to get the toilet block cleaned up and whitewashed before the visit of our gracious Patron the King. Perhaps we can save the world next year .. or the year after.

The Dean of Vice ... errr Vice Dean. ROCMB.

Editors note.
It is at Gormenghast College that the seeds of Zionist power and control are planted for the Nation in perpetuity by a thankful cabal of pervert Bankers, Messianic Politicians and megalomaniac Corporations.

All Gormenghast Staff sign mail in blood. The blood is obtained by stabbing a pupils left buttock with a scalpel sharp nib which has been modified to collect a sample of flesh from said buttock. Such samples are eagerly sought by the Dean to replace the white leather cover on his punishment book.

When asked why the left buttock is used .. Frau Nurse Ida Perversion said that she really did not know, but the left buttock was specified in Gormenghast Standing Orders so she presumed it was to cause a permanent limp. When pressed further she said, �Gormenghast College will neither confirm or deny that the boys are being cruelly abused.

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